Stolen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j82FBbgpUy4&a=PjmsFKRuh80&playnext_from=ML

We watch the season pull up its own stakes


And catch the last weekend of the last week

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,

Another sun soaked season fades away



You have stolen my heart



Invitation only, grand farewells

Crash the best one, of the best ones

Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight



You have stolen my heart



And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration

One good stretch before our hibernation

Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well



You have stolen

You have stolen my heart



I watch you spin around in your highest heels

You are the best one, of the best ones

We all look like we feel



You have stolen my

You have stolen my heart

Anxiety

Not knowing what the future holds for me makes me feel very anxious. Not knowing what the results of my decisions will lead to makes me very anxious. Not knowing how I will feel makes me feel very anxious. Not knowing what I should beleive in or what really is true makes me very anxious.

Obviously I am feeling very anxious.

I know that part of living is not knowing what will happen next. That is part of the excitement. Life would be boring if you already knew what was going to happen to you. I just wish you could pick a couple things and at least know if it will be a good or bad thing. Or what you should do about something you are going back and forth on. Big life changing decisions you should at least get a little help on. That would make life so much easier! At least for me and how I am feeling right now about life.

It is summer now. Summer brings many new adventues. I actually have some time off and it feels amazing! Sleep is something that I have found myself reaquainted with, and I don't want to lose that again! I always am feeling more refreshed and better about the day. I have more energy to keep going. But of course, this will only last a couple months until school starts again. I am going to enjoy it while I can!

Netflix: my newest obsession. This is fantastic. I can't believe that I have never gotten it before! Such a cheap and great opportunity to see movies. If you do not have this, I would highly recommend it! I just finished watching Time Travelers Wife (loveee it), and will be getting 17 Again tomorrow. Seriously.. love Zach Efron (don't judge! haha).

Ah I seriously have anxiety butterflies in my stomach that keep giving me goosebumps. Trying to keep my mind off of it...

I really need to clean up my apartment. I have been putting it off for a couple days because I have been busy with work, but I have no excuse! It really isn't bad. But I would rather not have to deal with roaches again and will be taking every precaution against it!

I got a couple new work out videos today! Ballroom cardio! It should be a great way to get in shape and to work on my dance moves! I can't wait to start it!

Well it is about that time that I end this extremely random post and do something productive before I head to bed!

Hallelujah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRTvQWuzKWo&feature=related

Amazing song. Just wanted to share :)

Bucket List

This list always has room for improvement and addition. I hope that I will always be able to find something new and exciting to do in my lifetime. Here is my list for the moment (no particular order):

• Graduate with my bachelors in Elementary Education
• Get my masters degree
• Find a job at a school that I love
• Make a difference in a child's life
• Read as many books as possible
• Do a tour of Europe
• Travel to New Zealand
• Learn Italian
• Meet a good man and marry him
• Have a family
• Buy a house
• Own a sports car
• Get down to a weight I am happy with
• Take a photography class
• Scrapbook all of my pictures
• Play my flute in a symphony again
• Find a church that makes me happy and be good about going

There is soo much more I need to come back to add. But alas... I must go to work now. I will continue later :)

Your head on the toilet is as glamorous as it sounds

I went over to my dad and brother's house yesterday to do some much needed laundry. I woke up early because the pest control people were supposed to come over and fog out my house and I couldn't be there for a long time. As I get over to their house, I started feeling weird. I laid down and tried to take a nap thinking I just must be tired. I even went downstairs and watched the movie Taken (amazing movie). All of a sudden I found myself having a feeling I haven't had in years. My stomach was aching and I knew I had to run to the bathroom. I made it there just in time to pull my hair back and make it to the toilet to puke out everything that I had eaten the previous day. Lovely, I know. This continued on for the rest of the day. I then had to go into work for my shift. This was pure agony. I was finally allowed to go home a little early. But by the time I got home, I was feeling even worse than I was before. Luckily, I got someone to cover my shift for today. I can't even imagine having to go in with how I felt. After a day of sleeping and relaxing, and my friend Katrina bringing me soup and medicine, I am finally feeling better!

The positive side of being sick: Losing about 5 pounds! Haha. That is after not eating for about 40 hours straight and puking out everything eaten the previous days. I would have to say I would much rather diet and exercise than deal with that pain again!

I will say that I love laying around the house doing nothing though, I will say. I never get to do this and it is amazing. I keep feeling like I need to get up and do something productive. Or do some homework or something. And then I remember, it's summer!

Happy Mothers Day

Welll today is Mother's Day. The last one that I actually celebrated, I went to church with my mom for a Mother Daughter luncheon. Then my mom, brothers, and I went to Carabbas for dinner. The funniest thing happened.. my mom went to the bathroom and came back with her skirt tucked in her panties! An older man who was sitting behind us was the one that noticed first and helped her out! She was so embarassed but we all couldnt stop laughing! lol. I got my mom a picture frame with a few pictures of me and her that she took when she was pregnant with my brother Mark and I was 2 years old. She was taking a photography class and they were in black and white. They pictures were beautiful. When she opened it she cried.

Here are a few poems that my mom has in her journal that she kept when she was my age:

Open Eyes
I opened my eyes this morning and saw the future for a change.
Been looking behind far too long.
It was about time I learned that the past can't be changed.
The future is what really counts.
If, you know what you want.

Love is Giving
How many times have you been asked or been asked to define love;
can you; thinkl what does it mean.
Your love for your children is one, another for their mom.
Good music may be one too, as you, your love as well.
Baseball, hockey, ice cream, peanut butter.
Can you tell the difference.
The world itself is too often used, most times the true meaning violently abused.
If I say I love you,
I want it to mean more than being amused,
by a funny movie or play,
and, I want it to mean the same as yesterday.
If tomorrow comes another day,
but, the meaning in I love you the same as today.
It could be just living, but its not owning it could be forgiving,
not being selfish.
But in the end,
to me at least,
it means;
giving.

Lonely Days
There are days when I've been alone but I wasn't lonely.
There is a difference you see.
Being alone is because that's what you want.
Being lonely is being alone and not wanting to be.
Like me,
I'm lonely.
I know I don't have to be
I'm sure that if I looked I'd find someone willing to share these empty hours.
But I won't,
It wouldn't be fair.
I've given you all that I have to give,
There's nothing left over to share with someone else but conversation,
and most times that's just not enough.
I'm still lonley but ecause of you I'm no longer alone.

The Memories We Keep
I've been alone so long now that I've forgotten there could be someone who cared.
Enough to hope that I'd call.
Man is that way, he must be told, why.
I guess because he's afraid that what he wants to be true isn't and he doesn't want to find out.
You know it's much safer sometimes to live with hopes and past memories rather than see the truth about tomorrow, because you never learn how not to be hurt, and the pain, sometimes is too high a price.
To pay when you are not sure.
I guess that's why we try to borrow more time.
We try to share with memories the happiness that was there.
Once upon a time.

No Room for Sorrow
My heart is screaming please don't go away,
but,
my heart is also keeping words within.
I know that if you want to leave you will,
and if you want to stay another day I won't have to ask and neither will you.
So forget about yesterday, don't wonder about tomorrow, love and live today,
it's all the life we've got,
let's not spoil it with sorry.

I love you mom. Happy Mother's Day.

13 Going On 30

After just watching one of the cutest movies ever, it really made me realize how much I relate to certain parts of it. I feel like I was just 13 and am suddenly going on 30. Where did life go?? I seriously cannot believe how fast things have passed me by. I feel like I just went to sleep and woke up 23. And this is definitely not where I saw my life when I was 13. hmm.. just thoughts to ponder...

It is officially summer. But only feels that way because the weather is hot and the theatre is busy. I have yet to have a day off and won't until Thursday sadly. But I really cannot comlain about the little bit of extra money I will be getting. I would just like a day off for some relaxation!

Has there ever been a name that you hate? And you  hate it because everyone assosicated with that name has done you wrong? Well there is a name for me that I do not like: Rachel. Especially Rachel's in Tucson. I hate them. Second time, I repeat, SECOND time, that I have "lost" to a girl named Rachel in Tucson (even though the first time I didnt really lose, just had a lot of heartache and crap happen because of her). Okay, just had to get that out there...

I went dancing last night. The first time in almost 2 months. I can't even believe that it has been that long! I have missed dancing terribly. And did not go for stupid reasons. But I felt so good after going. I am so passionate about dancing. It makes me feel good, alive, and sexy. Everything. I do not want to go that long again. This is something that is a huge deal to me, and I won't let anything stop me from going again. I really want to find a serious dance partner. I want to compete more. I just need to find someone who is not a selfish bitch.

(this is a very random post)

Newest Obsession: Beverly Cleary's Ramona books. Also, Judy Blume books. I love them. I have read almost the entire series of both over the past few weeks. I read every night now. I thank my wonderful reading teacher for getting me back into this. I have always loved reading, but have strayed away from it since college has started. I have associated reading with school work, and that is the only reading that I had done. But now for school, I read kid books and it is so much fun! It has opened my eyes to a world that I had forgotten. A world of innocence and laughter. This is a huge reason why I cannot wait to become a teacher. Living that life everyday. :)

Thoughts of the day

I am feeling very inspired to write a blog right now as I am sitting on my couch watching the movie "Julie and Julia". This really is a fantastic movie. I feel like I need to get up off the couch and cook! But, alas, I am not feeling that well so will do the other popular thing in it: blog. I know that I do not have the thousands of fans on it like Julie, but, I do keep this open for anyone to read (hopefully not a mistake), so I am sure that some people are curious enough to secretly read by blog!

Last night I went to my friend Daryl's going away/engagement party. It is hard to imagine her not being here for so long! She has been one of my closest friends for many many years. We even lived together for a year! I am really going to miss her. But I know that she will do great things, and has a lot of love to return back home to!

It was great to spend time with the girls last night as well. We are planning on going out again once more before Daryl actually leaves. It is hard to believe that we won't all be together for a long time. Wow, reality check. We are growing up. How do I make this stop? Actually, I feel like I am the only one that isn't growing up. Everyone seems to be at a different place in their lives except for me. Standing in a circle with all of my friends and their significant others (mostly husbands), just made me realize how different I am. It is really just times like those where I really feel like that. I knw this is completely lame, but I feel slightly pathetic that I don't have that. It is a very lonely feeling. Especially when I went home alone afterwards. Oh well... my time will come eventually... or at least I keep hoping.

I went golfing yesterday for my dad's birthday. I actually forgot how much I enjoy going! I didn't have the greatest game ever, but I did a lot better than I thought I would! I really would like to play a lot more. I even have a fantastic farmers tan from it! My dad was very embarassing though.. oh man. He just makes the most crude remarks ever. I am no prude, but WOW. I get really embarassed when we are in public. Especially when he is drinking. There is nothing to say or do to make him stop... ugh.

The semester is finally in it's last week. Yay! It has been quite a long one. But I am soo glad that I switched my major to elementary education. I love it! It is okay that it is taking me much longer to graduate, because I will be doing something that I actually love. This semester is going so well for me. I have great grades, it has been a lot of work, but totally worth it. I start the program in the fall and will actually be at an elementary school! It will be great to finally start working with kids and get to be part of the experience. So much better than in a classroom. And I won't have to pay a million dollars in parking!

I need to finish my reading log.. 50 books to write about! Til next time...