Black and White

Most things in my life are gray. It is not just white or just black. Usually a mixture of things, I fall someplace in the middle. I am never fully sure if I am doing the right thing, or even what the right thing is. I believe that this has a lot to do with growing up. When I was younger, my entire life was basically gray. For instance, what do I want to do when I grow up? I went from being a professional musican, to sports agent, to lawyer. My career future was gray. I was nt sure what I looked for in life. Where did I see my future? How did I feel about certain issues and events? How did I feel about love? How did I feel about school? How did I feel about myself?

I have gotten to know myself much better over the years. I now have a pretty clear idea of who I am as a person, from what I stand for and believe in, to how I feel. Obviously I am not fully there, and I hope to never fully be there. I still want to learn new things about myself and others, otherwise life would get dull. I was pondeing some things that I knew for sure today. Things that I knew I felt for sure, and things that I know I want out of life for sure. Thought I would share these black and white concrete things for me.

1. I want to be a teacher. I am so passionate about teaching. I have loved everything that I have learned  so far about it and cannot wait to make this my career. I was unsure about it at first. This was very different than being a lawyer. But all of my doubts were washed clean from me when I started taking the classes and actually looked forward to them.

2. My family means everything to me. I know this sounds very generic and something that you would think that everyone would have. But I almost feel like this is different for me. I have had a lot of things happen in my family life that have changed me. They have made me look at life a lot differently. I value my family. I value how they feel and their opinion. I know that I will always have a strong relationship with everyone in my family.

3. I always want a close relationship with my girlfriends. Girls night out is so important to me. I have a few groups of close friends and they have been there for me through a lot of things throughout my life. I do not know where I would be without their support today, and I know they will always be here for me. No matter where life takes us, I know that we will always stay in touch. I want to make it a point to have get togethers. Just to catch up about life, and have a fun night out. They always make me smile.

4. I want to find true love. Not just someone that I like. I want to have passion. Someone whom I can go out on the town with, someone I can take around my friends, someone who will lay on the couch with me and watch old movies. I want someone who loves me for me, little quirks and all. I want to fall in love with someone who has similar values as I do. Someone who respects and asks for my opinion. Someone I can have a partnership with. Someone who has goals in life. Someone who encourages me and my goals. Someone who wants a family. Someone who loves and is great with kids. Someone who wants to travel with me. Someone who wants to marry me. Someone who still belives in a happy ending. Someone who wants to grow old with me. 

5. I will not settle for less than I deserve. I am better than that.

6. I will not compromise myself, values, or beliefs for someone else.

7. Music will always be a part of  my life. In form of listening, playing, and dancing.

8. I am an independent woman. And will remain that way. Even after getting married and having a family. I have worked very hard to be where I am at today. And I would not throw that away. I do eventually want the support and team of a husband and family, but I will still have my own life. I am still my own person and need that independence.

9. I will no longer keep people in my life who bring me down. If you are not good to me, then you do not deserve to be in my life. I have put up with enough of that in my life and am done.

10. I will live everyday to its fullest. You never know what the future has in store for you. Today could be your last, or your friends last, or your family members last. How do you want to remember that last day? That last moment? That last conversation? That last goodbye? Live with no regrets.

11. I will remember that God will never give me something that I cannot handle.

12. I will grow and learn from mistakes and things that happen in my life.

13. I will never go to bed angry.

14. I will forgive.

15. I will be open to love and new adventures in life.



Here is just a few big things on my list. This is always growing. Some bits of it can and I am sure will be altered as I grow and mature more throughout life. But I do hope that I keep most of these. I do not want to regret any more choices that I am make in life. These are things that I know for sure right now. All I can do now is live everyday to its fullest. Try to be as happy as I can be. And remember that I need to do things for me that make me happy and successful. And that gives me hope and makes me smile. :)