Chills

Okay... I want to begin this post by stating if you have anything negative to say or want to be judgemental with me.. please do not continue. That goes for any of what I write on my blog. :)


So let me begin here. This is a touchy subject. One that I have not really written about on here before and have only discussed with a few of my very closest friends. I do that because I am nervous and honestly do not even know what I think about the whole thing. But I think that talking about things and writing it all down sometimes helps me. And also the craziest thing happened today and I feel like I need to document what happened so I will always remember it.

I was chatting online with someone I recently re-connected with that used to write me while he was on his mission about 5 years ago. I wanted to find the letters that he wrote me and thought that I had put them in a box in my storage closet. So I went in there to find them. I opened up the box and at the top of the box there was the very first letter that I ever received from Jake while he was on his mission. I distinctly remember putting this letter at the bottom of the box because at the time I never wanted to hear from him again or to read anything that he wrote me, (obviously a lot of things have changed since them... a story in itself not to be put online!). I brought the letter back inside (I never actually found what I was originally looking for of course) and read it. Reading it brought CHILLS to me.

Hello!

How is all at the theatre? Things here are great. I have been learning a lot about the language. It is seriously so cool, it is so islander and is fun to speak. I love Cebuano. Here is my testimony of the church in Cebuano:

(Long testimony in a jibberish language haha)

Don't even try and sound it out. Well if you want to believe in something like me you have to search out for it. Here are some scriptures I want you to read:

Bible- James 1:5
Book of Mormon- Moroni 10:2-5 And the first 9 paragraphs of the intro.

Don't write back til you've read them!

Jake

When I first got this letter, I never read the scriptures he asked me to read. I was not interested in the church at the time and had no desire to read them. Recently, I have been looking into the church. I kept saying how I needed some sort of sign to tell me that what I was doing was right. Well I knew that I had to read what he wanted me to read. But honestly I was scared to death to read them. I have no reasoning behind it. But of course after a little bit I did. I will post the most important one on here... the one that is just crazy to me.

Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hears. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the Power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

It is so crazy that something written almost 2 years ago had no meaning to me then... but I randomly come across it now and it is what I need. Is it coincidence? What does it mean? It scares me. Things like this never happen to me.

I am starting to think that it is a sign that it is the right time in my life to start looking into the church. I am not saying that I am going to convert... there is a LOT I need to look into before that happens. But I am in a place that I want to look for the answers to my quesitons and see if this is right for me. This is something that has been in my life for years now. There have been positive and negative parts that surround it. I neeed to put all pre-concieved notions out of the way and just listen to what is being said and trust what I am feeling. That is the only way that I will get any answer that I want. And true answer.

It is scary that I got the message from a letter from Jake. What does that mean? I am hoping that it is good feelings from God about him. I want him to be good when he comes home. I am so nervous for that. What will happen when I see him? I want to be able to talk to him and forgive all that has happened. I really really hope that we are able to do that. He was such a huge part of my life.. I am happy that there is a chance he will be a part of my life again. Not sure in what way... (another HUGE thing I am scared for...). I don't think I should post that on here though... better keep those thoughts to myself. I will just post that I am anxious to see him.... with whatever outcome there will be.

So there it is. My crazy chills from today. I am just going to go with them and hope they bring me happiness :)

True

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx2Q2SyOIZE


Going old school here and I love it! Good song :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsVfKIjtqEc&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM0fKiYABGA&feature=related

(Last one is the best one)


Now I really want to go watch Selena.... I think I need to go put that on my netflix que...

Motivation

Every morning I check my horiscope on my phone. It is an application that I downloaded. It is extemely creepy how accurate it really is. Like gives you the chills accurate. Well last week, it said that I need to start taking better care of myself. And I think it is time that I start doing that.

I have started diets and exercising before and then lose my motivation and stop. I need to just make a life change. I have been really bad recently with that. Just been busy with work and it has been easier to eat out. I can't do that anymore. I don't want to be this way anymore. I am unhappy. This is not me. I walked into the restroom at work the other day and saw a huge lady who had a hard time even walking on her own. Obviously I am no where near that. But it still made me feel sick to my stomach. I would never ever want to be at a place like that in my life.

I feel like my weight holds me back in a lot of things that I want to do in life. It is sad that the world focuses so much on outter beauty but it is true. Not only do I want to be pretty on the outside, but I also don't want to have any health issues along the way. That scares me.

I am not really doing a "set" diet. Like the cookie diet that I did before. I want to make a life change. Just so that I am healthy. Obviously I will be going more hard core at the beginning to have a lot of weight loss. I will also be going to the gym a lot more. I pay a lot of money to be a member of a gym, so I need to use it!

Well that is it for now. I need to sleep because I have to work again tomorrowmorning... over these last two weeks I have worked over 120 hours.. I need a break for my sanity. Please.