Okay... I want to begin this post by stating if you have anything negative to say or want to be judgemental with me.. please do not continue. That goes for any of what I write on my blog. :)
So let me begin here. This is a touchy subject. One that I have not really written about on here before and have only discussed with a few of my very closest friends. I do that because I am nervous and honestly do not even know what I think about the whole thing. But I think that talking about things and writing it all down sometimes helps me. And also the craziest thing happened today and I feel like I need to document what happened so I will always remember it.
I was chatting online with someone I recently re-connected with that used to write me while he was on his mission about 5 years ago. I wanted to find the letters that he wrote me and thought that I had put them in a box in my storage closet. So I went in there to find them. I opened up the box and at the top of the box there was the very first letter that I ever received from Jake while he was on his mission. I distinctly remember putting this letter at the bottom of the box because at the time I never wanted to hear from him again or to read anything that he wrote me, (obviously a lot of things have changed since them... a story in itself not to be put online!). I brought the letter back inside (I never actually found what I was originally looking for of course) and read it. Reading it brought CHILLS to me.
Hello!
How is all at the theatre? Things here are great. I have been learning a lot about the language. It is seriously so cool, it is so islander and is fun to speak. I love Cebuano. Here is my testimony of the church in Cebuano:
(Long testimony in a jibberish language haha)
Don't even try and sound it out. Well if you want to believe in something like me you have to search out for it. Here are some scriptures I want you to read:
Bible- James 1:5
Book of Mormon- Moroni 10:2-5 And the first 9 paragraphs of the intro.
Don't write back til you've read them!
Jake
When I first got this letter, I never read the scriptures he asked me to read. I was not interested in the church at the time and had no desire to read them. Recently, I have been looking into the church. I kept saying how I needed some sort of sign to tell me that what I was doing was right. Well I knew that I had to read what he wanted me to read. But honestly I was scared to death to read them. I have no reasoning behind it. But of course after a little bit I did. I will post the most important one on here... the one that is just crazy to me.
Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hears. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the Power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.
It is so crazy that something written almost 2 years ago had no meaning to me then... but I randomly come across it now and it is what I need. Is it coincidence? What does it mean? It scares me. Things like this never happen to me.
I am starting to think that it is a sign that it is the right time in my life to start looking into the church. I am not saying that I am going to convert... there is a LOT I need to look into before that happens. But I am in a place that I want to look for the answers to my quesitons and see if this is right for me. This is something that has been in my life for years now. There have been positive and negative parts that surround it. I neeed to put all pre-concieved notions out of the way and just listen to what is being said and trust what I am feeling. That is the only way that I will get any answer that I want. And true answer.
It is scary that I got the message from a letter from Jake. What does that mean? I am hoping that it is good feelings from God about him. I want him to be good when he comes home. I am so nervous for that. What will happen when I see him? I want to be able to talk to him and forgive all that has happened. I really really hope that we are able to do that. He was such a huge part of my life.. I am happy that there is a chance he will be a part of my life again. Not sure in what way... (another HUGE thing I am scared for...). I don't think I should post that on here though... better keep those thoughts to myself. I will just post that I am anxious to see him.... with whatever outcome there will be.
So there it is. My crazy chills from today. I am just going to go with them and hope they bring me happiness :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Chills
Posted by asshley at 2:04 AM
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1 comments:
Dear Ashley,
So, I kind of feel guilty that this is the first time I'm ever posting on your blog. I hope you don't think that I'm only wanting to talk to you because you are thinking about looking into the church—I’ve been reading your blog for awhile (I’m kind of blog-crazy!) and it’s been good to hear about what you are doing school-wise, work-wise etc. We were friends (or maybe you consider us acquaintances?) in high school, and I always thought you were pretty awesome.
Anyway, I think it’s exciting that you are looking into the LDS church—or more so, that you are looking to figure out what you need to change in your life so that you can feel more fulfilled. I obviously don’t think you should rush into anything. I think you are doing the right thing putting all preconceived notions aside and trying to figure out things for yourself. That’s so so important. You want whatever decision you make to be your decision.
Having said that, I just want to let you know how I feel about the church. I’ve been a “good Mormon,” my whole life and never questioned anything. I recently finished college, and a lot of the changes that come with graduating/working/moving/growing up really shook me. I started to question more than I ever had before. But the thing is, I keep coming back to the church. I know in my heart that it is true. I know that Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ, love me. I know that, even when things don’t work out the way I imagine them to, if I am trying to live life the best that I can and trying to be a good person, things will work out the way they are supposed to, and I’ve already seen evidence of that in hindsight. It’s so comforting to believe that there are men today who are in tune with God and can give us direction—like the prophets in the Old Testament. At the same time, it’s so important and comforting to me that I can receive my own personal answers, like it says in that scripture in Moroni. And that those "chills" were significant.
I’ve had too many experiences in my life (as young as I am now) so far to not believe that this church is true. And I don’t believe I’m following blindly either—I have received my own answers.
Even if you decide not to join the church, I know that you still are a wonderful person. I don’t believe that you have to be a “member” to be a good person. But I do believe in this church with all of my heart.
Please know that there are people there for you that are willing to help answer your questions. I’m sure that you have close friends that can help, but if you do feel like you want to ask me anything, just let me know. I know sometimes it's nice to talk to people that really aren't involved in your daily life (heck--I live out-of-state!) Haha.
But if you want to totally ignore this comment, go right ahead. I promise I won't be offended :)
Have a wonderful day, Ashley!
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