Frustrated.

I am having a frustrated night.

I guess that I am just feeling upset. Not sure why. I almost feel angry. I hate it when I get like this. I am just shaking.

Whenver I feel like this, I always miss certain people in my life that have hurt me. This is a bad cycle. I almost miss Jake right now... so dumb. Because I hate him so much. I guess I just miss the good times. I hate that I always remember the good times when I am feeling upset. The bad things that happened just fade. It is so annoying. Ugh. I am done talking about this. It is bad for my mental health.

On a completely different note...

I dislocated my shoulder. I guess that it happened Friday night. It started to hurt. I thought that I just pulled a muscle. But the next day it started to hurt even more. But then that night it started hurting even more. So I asked my friend at work to take a look at it. She touched my shoulder and saw that it was dislocated. The bone was portruding out of my back. It hurt sooooo soooo sooo bad! I got sick after it got pushed back into place. And then got sent home from work early and that never ever happens. I went home and took pain killers and then put a heating pad on it. That made it feel a lot better. Today I am doing much better. It is still sore, but nothing like it was.


So on Tuesday I have to dress up in suspenders and a bow tie for work. We lost a contest and I was chosen to be one of the managers to do it. Not sure if it is a good or a bad thing. The entire floor staff voted for me. Hmm... Then on Saturday I am going to be working an actual register. That should be interesting.

Well I am thinking that I should get some sleep. I need to sleep this feeling that I am having out. I hope it will make me feel better.

Late night thoughts

I started my diet last week. I have been doing really well so far! I basically started out the week with only having 580 calories per day. Now let me tell you, with working out and having a job where I stand on my feet for 9 hours straight, that is NOT enough to eat! I was feeling really hungry and super sick. So I upped the amount of calories per day. It is nice to have my roommate doing the diet with me. That way we don't have bad food at the house. The only time that it is hard is when I am at work. Everyone there eats so awful! And it is tempting to have a piece of pizza! but, I am going to stay strong! My diet consists of this basic outline:

Breakfast- slimfast or oatmeal

Snack- a fruit.

Lunch- Turkey sandwich. wheat bread. light mayo

Snack- 100 calorie pack or some pretzels

Dinner- a chicken breast and a serving of vegetables.

Snack (if I close at work)- sugar free jello

Also, 2 liters of water, fish oil pill, and a multi vitamin

Been working well so far! I haven't had time to go to the gym the last couple of days. I have been working like crazy and haven't had time! But, I had an intense weekend of a lot of dancing and hiking in payson. Plus, at work, i am standing and walking around the whole time. So it is not like I am sitting down a lot.


On a completely different subject, I saw Harry Potter last night. Fantastic! I loved loved it! My favorite one so far! I want to see it again! Now, as much as I liked the movie, that is how much I hate the customers. Some people are just ridiculous! We had people camping out at 9pm the night before the midnight! Like wow. Tonight I worked guest services for the midnight showing. I got cussed out by numerous people. It is just a movie! Yes, we had to have lines. That is what happens when there is over 2300 people that come to one showing! We have to have a system. And honestly, it worked well! Much better than it could have gone! So get over it! ah! Okay, enough about that!

Again, another random tangent.... But it is after 2am so it's okay!

I wish that I had a summer romance this summer. Last summer I was head over heels in love. It was amazing. I had all the time in the world, and spent it with the person I wanted to be with. Right now I have the time and no one to spend it with. There are so many beautiful nights in Arizona that I would love to just be laying out under the stars with someone. Cliche cheesey? yes. Oh well. but not only that, but just fun things to do! Baseball games, movies, dates, concerts, hiking, falling asleep with someone. Just all of the fun things I would love to share with someone. Yes, I love my friends and spending time with them. But it isn't the same as with someone you are in love with.

Recently, I have spent more time with an old flame. It brings back old feelings when I see him. But he was so wrong for me in so many ways. I hate that whenever I see him, he will be amazing, everything that I miss. But then, the time after that, he goes back to the person that brought me so much pain. I don't know why I allow him back into my life so many times. He just does something to me that I cannot describe. I wish that I could just end it. But, I am weak. All of my friends despise him, for good reason, but I wish that they could just understand how insane I am. Haha. I think that with him, it just rings back old memories of comfort. Someone being there for me through a lot of things. I cling to that feeling. I have had so many changes to my life, and he is a constant. Being in his arms made me feel safe. I miss that feeling.

But for myself, I can't get upset over this. I have grown up. And will not play little games anymore. I can't allow myself to get hurt again. But, knowing me, I have to learn my lessons first hand.

Well, it is getting very very late. And I should get sleep. I have to work again tomorrow. joy.

I need to update this more...

xoxo